


This Is Where I Belong

by hikari_yuma



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: 2nd person POV, HOMRA - Freeform, Implied Relationship, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 22:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3094634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikari_yuma/pseuds/hikari_yuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, Tatara was glad that he'd stayed by Mikoto's side, satisfied that he hadn't left Homra. In the end, no matter how weak he really was, he'd belonged there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Where I Belong

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in second person, so I hope it's not too bad (and forewarning, it's not edited). I decided to write this after wondering how many times Tatara's large smiles are actually genuine. He's often just taken for being the happy guy of Homra, but how many times would he feel insecure?

Your name is Tatara Totsuka, and often you wonder if staying with Homra is the right thing to do.

Most of the Red Clansmen view you as invaluable and important, yet in Homra, where fighting is practically imperative and a key component of daily life, you, someone who cannot throw a punch properly to save his life, often wonder if you truly belong. You feel useless at the best of times, but you smile, like you usually do, and mask your insecurities. Nobody needs to know what you think, nor do you want them to know, and you would like to keep it that way. So you tell yourself, _‘It’s fine.’_  You soothe your worries yourself with your lifelong catchphrase of reassurance: _‘Don’t sweat it. It’ll all work out, somehow.’_ You put those thoughts away, toss them over your shoulder to allow yourself some breathing space. You do your best to not be a burden to the family you’ve created for yourself in Homra, and you continue on with life as the carefree spirit that you are.

Sometimes, however, it’s hard to keep a beaming smile on your face. You’re greatly affected by others as well as their emotions, and it gets to. It’s draining, in a way, to have those emotions chipping away at your stamina all day as you try and figure out why such emotions are there. You know how happy and carefree you are – it was the best gift that you have, the most defining thing about you. You know that you smile, as often as possible, and yet you don’t know what your own smile looks like. So when you frown, or even when your smile drops a little, everyone notices; in particular, Izumo.

Attentive, loyal Izumo, with his carefully-styled blond hair and neat scarf, with those observant brown eyes hidden behind purple-tinted shades, that fed you as soon as he heard that you barely ate and taught you how to cook. Izumo, Mikoto’s best friend, who has known him the longest out of everyone in Homra, who is just as dogged as Mikoto yet is more refined in his fighting. You used to call him Kusanagi-san, and still do, though you know he prefers Izumo. He is the mother of Homra’s family, who is more empathetic than he lets on, and sometimes he seems to know you better than you know yourself. He is gentle with you, as he is with Anna. 

Now that you think about it, everybody acts as if you are something fragile, so delicate that a small push will make you shatter. Its as if you are a small, injured child amongst the flames that are the Red Clansmen, where even Anna treats you as something precious and flimsy. The Red Clansmen often fight, and though it is most often playful there are times when they get cuts or bruises, and occasionally they gain a few extra scars. They don't care if they bleed, they laugh it off. They make fun of each other's injuries and they punch each other's shoulders hard enough to leave bruises.

But when it comes to you, they all handle you gently and delicately, even Mikoto. They all worry about you more than you deem fit, and yet when you accuse them of this they brush your accusations away like irritating flies. But you know the truth. A year ago, you were practicing using your weak powers. Your pretty, petty flames only did damage to locks and even then it cost you much of your energy. You'd gone out by yourself, saying that you were going back to your apartment, but really, you were looking for the gang that Homra had been looking for for the past few weeks. You'd known where they were, of course, but you hadn't wished to tell your fellow Clansmen. Your only thoughts were of how much you hated being viewed as weak and how, for once in your life, you could finally prove yourself to be of help to Homra. You'd had quite enough of being the smiling fool who could do nothing but sit around while everyone fought your battles for you. You couldn't take constantly being weak, and this irritation had only morphed into determination as time went on.

You'd found the guys with ease. Your hands had flamed and then you'd lunged forwards, preparing a well-aimed jab for the leader's solar plexus - but you'd done no damage. None whatsoever. At first, there'd been silence, absolute and stiffling. Then they'd broken into guffaws that made you want to cover your ears and hide from the mortification. They'd knocked you around a bit - dislocated your shoulder, broken your nose, gave you several bruises and cuts to remember them by, then they'd left you on the ground, shaking, with your jaw clenched so tight from your efforts of bearing the beating without a sound. 

They'd locked you in the shed they'd been taking refuge in, but after an hour you managed to gather enough strength to burn through the lock. But it left you with barely enough energy to blink, so with agonizing, sedated movements, you'd crawled outside onto the footpath. Someone that walked by recognised the Homra insignia on your jacket, and had called Izumo. Less than half an hour later Mikoto, Yata, Izumo, and Kamamoto had barreled towards you, with Anna perched upon the former's shoulder with her hands curled around some of the material of her skirt. 

Yata had been the first one to reach you, on his skateboard, closely followed by your King. You hadn't stirred as Yata had began asking if you were alright, and with great effort you cracked open one of your eyes (your other eye had begun to swell from a well-aimed punch), focusing blearily on them as you tried to speak. However, before you could protest, Mikoto had slid a powerful arm under one of your legs and had used his other arm to support your back as he'd lifted you up. He'd brought you close to his chest, where you drifted in and out of consciousness as his steady heartbeat lulled you. The Red King had held you like you were made of glass, despite how gruffly he ordered the other Clansmen to go and look for the gang that you'd so stupidly tried to defeat. 

Izumo had warned you about hanging around Mikoto. It's his warning and what Anna foresaw that makes you wonder if you should stay in Homra.  _'You won't live long if you stay by his side .'_  The young Strain girl had told you. But you're selfish. You're greedy. You stay, not telling them of what Anna said, because you need them more than they'll ever need you and your thirst for acceptance and your desire for a real family overrule your common sense. Each day, you wonder how much longer you'll live. Another day? Another week? Another year? How long will it be before they burn your body in the true Homra fashion? But you stay, as days turn into weeks and those weeks into months, all with the guilt knowing that when you die, you'll hurt them.

Your adopted father used to tell you that you were cold-hearted. You used to not seem to care about things as much as a normal person would - getting abandoned, for instance, or having an alcoholic for a parent. But you only smiled, though your heart twisted each time he called you cold-hearted. Another thing he told you is that one day you'd find something, or someone, that you'd want to protect. You'd clung to that, hoping that it would make you less 'cold-hearted' when you found it or them. 

But now it is the very reason why you cannot force yourself to do the right thing and leave.

You want to protect them: Homra. You want to protect the quiet, sweet Anna, who has no other family but the Red Clansmen. You want to protect stubborn, reckless Yata, and the strong, intelligent Izumo. You want to protect them all, but mainly  _him._

You want to protect the Red King, with his burning amber eyes and legendary temper. You want to protect him with every fibre of your being; from his nightmares, from the constant battles he internally wages with his powers, from having to deal with thugs and thus arriving at Homra with bloodied knuckles and littered with bruises. You want to wrap your arms around him and shield him from the world with your own body. 

You know it's an impossible task. Mikoto was born to fight, and his stubbornness surpasses even Yata's. The Red King you know and love is lazy, obstinate, and violent. He's everything that you're not: callous, dangerous, and powerful. And yet, you are drawn to him. Ever since you first laid eyes on him, you could see his potential. You saw him for what he could grow to be: noble, brave, and determined. His inner fire calls to you; his very aura is irresistible. That fiery gaze of his often traps you, ensnaring you in those beguiling amber depths where his inner turmoil is visible. But this only increases your desire to reach out to him and soothe his fears.

You are selfish. You'll only be the cause of more anguish for him when you die. But even that cannot bring you to leave, because he makes you feel  _alive._ Dying does not phase you like it used to. Why?  _Why?_ The answer is so simple to you now: because for you, a world without Mikoto Suoh is nothing and it is not worth living. 

Without Mikoto, your world would be bleak. In this way, you and Anna understand each other so perfectly. For Anna, Mikoto is the colour in her otherwise monochrome world. He is her guardian, and the two of them share a bond that even Izumo cannot understand. In a way, he is her life, just like Mikoto is to you. And not only that - he is your purpose. The reason now for your existence and, well, without him and Izumo you often wonder if you'd be dead. 

For you, having a purpose is what it means to truly live.

Your name is Tatara Totsuka, and you are selfish. You love Mikoto too much to let him go, even if it is for his own good.

Your name is Tatara Totsuka, and a year later your heart stops beating. 

Permanently. 

\---

_"That's enough, Yata! Don't make him speak."_

Unfortunately, it's not like that time when Mikoto was able to scoop you up in his arms and carry you back to Homra where you were bandaged up, before kissing your forehead and gently tucking you into his bed. You can only stare up at the beautiful sky, feeling so happy despite your life's blood draining faster from your body with every passing second. In the end, you'd had a family. They'd not been perfect, but they'd cared about you and that had been more than enough.

__"Totsuka-san! Don't fall asleep!"_  
_

_"Don't sweat it. It'll all work out...I'm sorry."_

You just didn't want to let them go. Any of them. As your vision began to blur, all you could think of were the agony-wrought depths of Mikoto's prepossessing amber-hued eyes and regret seeped into your thoughts and more blood leaked from the bullet wound in your abdomen. 

_'King...I wonder if he'll be angry.'_

_"Mikoto...I have bad news."_

In the end, you were glad that you'd stayed by Mikoto's side, satisfied that you hadn't left Homra. In the end, no matter how weak you really were, you'd belonged there. 

And that was more than you'd ever had the right to ask for.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this. Kudos, comments and constructive criticism is always welcome. It gives me motivation (:


End file.
